Beginning, Middle, and End
by carolcay
Summary: Just like you and me, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter were more than just their tragic ends. They once were students at Hogwarts, just kids. This story will go through the lives of some of the most influential wizards in the series we know and love. This is Hogwarts, before Harry, Ron, and Hermione. This is the Marauders, beginning, middle, and end.
1. prologue

**a/n: i'm back, and, for anyone who cares, am re-uploading this story with some tweaks here and there. for anyone out there who read the old _beginning, middle, and_ _end_ , i'll be putting up the same chapters, but fixed up where i see fit. i'll hopefully then continue the story to where i originally intended in the beginning! thank you, and i hope you enjoy! :)**

 **disclaimer: _harry potter_ isn't mine, but i'm flattered if you thought it was!**

Prologue

Fate

Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and James Potter. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. A werewolf with a heart of gold and intelligent, sarcastic humor, a quick-witted, insecure, and cheerful youngest of five, a pretty boy with biting wit from a wealthy family who felt like he didn't belong, and the epitome of a wizarding teenage boy: handsome, star of the Quidditch team, complete with impeccable comedic timing, more than a dash of arrogance, and a knack for pranks. Friends who were so close it was like their minds were synced. Legend has it, one could mutter one of his friends' name on one side of the country and that person would say "what?" on the other. Fate works in funny ways sometimes, and it certainly did with the four lads from different walks of life.

Before Hogwarts, every morning Remus Lupin would think about how he was a waste of a life. Not the most pleasant thought for a kid to start their day with. Every morning he'd look in the mirror, look at the scars on his face and his sickly complexion and try and will it all to go away with sheer brain power. All his parents' money problems that had to do with him still being alive, all the dark things he saw in his werewolf in a wizard's world, a life he didn't ask to live. He would go downstairs shakily, his left leg hurt the most in the morning (it was the one that The Bite was on), and his mother would ask if he was ready for lessons. And he was. He always was. Always wanting to be better, always wanting to be something he wasn't. The werewolf in a wizard's world.

Before Hogwarts, every morning Peter Pettigrew would wake up early. He liked being awake when the sun rose, even if his family called him crazy. He would sit by his bedroom window and list the things he was grateful for. _Mum,_ he thought of his mother, who expected little of him. _Dad,_ he thought of his father, who could care less of him. _Colleen,_ his perfect eldest sister, who moved away as soon as she could. _Robin,_ his brother, the heroic Auror-to-be. _Michael,_ who was a proper famous journalist by then. _Greta,_ who cared. Peter was grateful for his family, for sunrises, and for rock 'n roll music. He was grateful for his friends, comic books, and Quidditch. He would go downstairs and eat breakfast and get ready for school, but every morning he made a wish. _I wish to be better. I wish to be better. I wish to be better._

Before Hogwarts, every morning Sirius Black would pretend to still be asleep. He would hide beneath the covers until the house elf wrenched them off him. He would sit at the table for breakfast in the grand dining room in silence. The Black family-Orion, Walburga, Sirius, and his younger brother, Regulus-would sit in quiet only interrupted by the ticking of the grandfather clock and scoldings. "Sit up straight, Sirius." "Fix your napkin, Sirius." "Look at me while I'm talking to you Sirius." "Don't you mutter things like that about me, Sirius." _Do, don't, do, don't, do don't._ It was only breakfast time, and already, things were too much. Sirius would see the tutor who taught himself and other pureblood elite children (whom he was most likely related to) in a ornate home near the Blacks in London, where there would be even more scoldings. _Too much, too much, too much_.

Before Hogwarts, every morning James Potter would write a to-do list. It always was long, and had strange things on it that James knew he wasn't going to do, but he wrote it everyday anyways, and the list got longer and wilder each time. _Ride a dragon, swim in the ocean, meet someone, learn something,_ etc. He was the kind of kid to have too many thoughts in his head with no outlet; the kind of insane creative energy that wasn't just the energy you get as a kid, it was something more. He would then grab his broom, go outside, and practice. The Potters lived in a wizarding town in a beautiful mansion on a large plot of land, and since it was a wizarding town, James could fly his broomstick whenever he wanted without fear a muggle would see. He would go exploring with his friends in the deep woods, and play pirate or adventurer, or wizards-proper wizards with wands already. All in time for he and his friends to walk to school, which was nearby. He lived the ideal life for a child, but there was always something missing; though he could say what.

September 1st, 1971. James Potter wrote just one thing on his to-do list for the first time in a long time.

 _Be yourself, but not too much._

Fate sat him down in that compartment on the train. Fate guided Severus Snape and Lily Potter to be there when he sat down. Fate brought Sirius Black into the compartment, and had his gray eyes lock onto the wild-haired boy with a crooked smile. Fate brought them together, but fate was cruel. We all know how this story ends, and how it begins. We all know that ten years later, James Potter will be found dead in his home, his wife, dead. His infant son, alive, destined for ten years of being treated like he wasn't. We all know that Sirius Black will spend twelve years in prison for a crime he didn't commit, while the real culprit hid in plain sight. We all know that Remus Lupin will spend twelve years drifting through life like a ghost, seeing life in black and white, wondering why he even bothered waking up anymore.

We all know how this story ends. So why are you here? Why are you still reading this if you know what is going to happen? Because you know as well as I, the end isn't the whole story. Stories and lives go hand in hand. You can't have an end to your life with no beginning. James Potter didn't just appear on earth to die. He-and Remus, and Peter, and Sirius-had beginnings. And middles. And, of course, ends.

So here it is. The Marauders, beginning, middle, and end.

 **thanks for reading! -cay**


	2. Chapter 1, Remus

Chapter 1: Remus

Chinks of pale, morning light drifted in through the small windows of the attic like spirits. They washed over the chestnut floorboards, over the stacks of worn down books, the old trunk, and the boy lying awake in his bed. The quiet sunlight illuminated his oddest features, like the spirits were showing him off.

He was paler than most boys ought to be. Around the full moon, almost gray. Small scars that looked more like slight nicks cut across his face, but, if he was lucky, could be lost among his many freckles. But the big one, the jagged one that went diagonally from under one eye to his jawline, couldn't be hidden by freckles or looking at one angle. His eyes were something else as well. They were a rather average blue when he was born, but at eleven, they were blue as the ocean, and blue enough to be odd.

Remus hadn't slept all night. Just thought. The sunlight wrenched him out of bed, and he padded over to the trunk lying open on the floor. His clothes, his school robes, his things for school, his favorite records, and his favorite books, all Remus would need for his first year at Hogwarts. _Besides friends,_ he thought wistfully to himself. He had had friends when he was very little, before The Bite. But The Bite had happened when he was, in fact, very little, so he struggled to remember any adventures. It was so rare he talked to anyone his own age, he could hardly remember how. Trying to steady his shaking hands, he took deep breaths and picked up one of his records out of the trunk. As the first track started up, Remus changed into a sweater and jeans, the soft melodies and soaring harmonies providing the soundtrack to the first morning of the rest of his life.

He tried to divert his mind from negative thoughts to the music. Music was always something that he could rely on to steal him away from his plentiful worries, and bring him to a place of comfort. Music was his hideaway. His utopia. The song could be sad and gray and angry, but it would still be better than the shadowy corners in his own mind. He let the musicians take him away from the attic bedroom in the small house in Liverpool, he let them take him to a magical place that the wizarding child could hardly imagine being a reality.

Him walking through the corridors of Hogwarts, corridors he had only seen in photographs, with friends surrounding him, smiling and laughing. His scars were gone, and he wasn't so pale and bony. And he was _laughing_ , and so were the faceless people surrounding him. A fantasy that often wedged itself into his mind but now was closer than ever before.

He checked the clock on his bedside table, it told him that, frankly, it was far too early for him to be awake, but Remus didn't care. He tapped the record again with his wand, and it stopped spinning mid air and the music died. The record dropped into his hands, and he carefully slid it back into its sleeve.

He walked downstairs and saw his mother sitting at the kitchen table. She looked to have been crying.

"Mum," said Remus tentatively. "Why are you up so early?"

Hope Lupin looked up at her son. Her darling son that she tried so hard to understand. "I-" she shook her head and wiped her eyes, "I c-couldn't sleep." Remus sat across from her.

"Why were you crying?"

Hope's lip quivered. "I'm alright, Remus. Really, I'm alright."

Remus got up and wrapped his arms around his mother. "I'll be fine, Mum. You know I'll be fine." It seemed as if his entire childhood had been filled with exchanges like this. His mother crying, and Remus having to promise he was okay. In a way, he was happy for times like this. Times where he forced himself to be okay, for his mother's sake if not his own.

"I just don't understand any of it," she said thickly. "Walking through that town, whatever it's called-"

"Diagon Alley."

"Right, yes. Diagon Alley." She chuckled sadly. "I just don't understand any of it. Seeing all those people with wands and everything, I've been married to your dad for years, but it still is just so… so _foreign_. Like one wild dream. And I'm so scared that one day I'm going to wake up and it all be just that. A dream. That Lyall wouldn't have existed and you wouldn't have existed. That I'll wake up one day and be alone."

"Don't worry, Mum. I'm rather certain I'm not a dream."

She smiled. "I know," she said. "I just wish I could help you. I just wish I could tell you I knew all about Hogwarts, all about magic. I wish I could tell you for sure that everything was going to be okay. That I knew. But I don't know, Remus. I can't promise that it'll all work out. I can't promise that everything will go as planned.

"But I need you to try, Remus. I need you to be that boy I know you are, beneath it all. Beneath all these things you think make you less, I need you to be that happy boy that you once were." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Promise me that. Promise me you'll at least _try_ to smile."

Remus grinned softly. "I promise, Mum."

A couple hours later, Lyall came downstairs. He had had to work the night shift again, and was quite obviously exhausted, but put on a cheery show anyways. He tousled his son's hair and said proudly, "My son, a Hogwarts student. Can you believe it? A future Ravenclaw like your dad I should hope." Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. But despite him laughing along, thoughts swirled around in his head. _What if I'm not in Ravenclaw? What if I'm in Slytherin? What if I don't get sorted at all?_ What if, what if, what if, what if, what if. All Remus ever thought was "what if", even if he knew, in this sort of situation, his father didn't care in the slightest.

Lyall kissed his wife on the top of her head, and danced with her around the small kitchen, music playing from the radio.

"You can be mine/and I'll not complain/Just floo me a sign/I'd rather splinch in the rain/Than just sit home and pine…" Cantelina Decore's warbling voice filled the small house, and his parents looking so happy filled Remus' big heart.

They climbed into the family's car (Hope, being a muggle, wasn't comfortable with hopping into a fireplace and using this suspicious "floo powder") and the whole way there Lyall recounted his Hogwarts memories over Quidditch commentary coming from the EQN (Everything Quidditch Network).

"Annndddd that's Rwamirama scoring yet again for the Patonga Proudsticks, who are championing over the Quafflepunchers who seem to be on a one way train to a heartbreaking defeat," boomed the broadcaster.

"...and that's when me and Hector Crowe managed to get to the very top of the Astronomy Tower. Merlin, was it wild…"

"Lyall can't we put on some music or something,"

"Then what happened, Dad?"

"AND BABINEAUX'S GOT IT! SHE'S GOT THE SNITCH! THAT'S A SHOCKING TURN AROUND FOR THE QUIBERON QUAFFLEPUNCHERS AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE TABLES HAVE TURNED FOR THE _DEVASTATED_ PROUDSTICKS…"

"THEY'VE WON! HOPE, CAN'T YOU BELIEVE IT?"

"Really Lyall, calm dow-"

"That'll show Arnie Patriman down at the office, telling me there's no chance they'd even get close to winning. That'll show 'im."

The voices in the car started fading out into a dull hum, as Remus pressed his face against the window of the small car. He had been to London before, of course. Lived there even. But never like this. Never with the sensation of being in a big city. Everywhere, from the biggest city, to the smallest village, begin to blur together after you've lived in enough of them. But there was something different about London that day. Remus noticed the oddities, the splendor, and luxury. Fashionable young women dressed head to toe in Biba strolled down the sidewalk; long, blonde hair sweeping back and forth as they walked. Street vendors selling all sorts of things, from postcards to liquor, barked out their prices.

But the best part of it all-better than the tall buildings, better than the fancy cars-was Kings Cross Station. Because the closer they were to Kings Cross, the closer Remus was to Hogwarts.

* * *

"You have your ticket, Hope?" Mr. Lupin asked as they stepped out. Mrs. Lupin had to have a strange sort of ticket given to Muggles who needed to get through to the secret platform, Platform 9 ¾. Mrs. Lupin just about spit out her tea when Dumbledore said the way to get through was walking through a wall, but got the ticket from the headmaster the night he showed up, and was present for seeing her son off.

Hope showed her husband the slip of paper with a moving picture of a shiny red and gold train driving across the ticket. Walking up to the wall where many other fantastically dressed folk were flooding towards ("Have to subtle my arse. They're not even trying, them."), Lyall instructed Remus.

"You have to just walk straight through, take your trunk, there we are. Now just walk straight. Get a running start if you want it."

"What if I-"

"No what ifs, Remus. This is the wall and you're a student and that's how you're getting to the train. Now, go on."

And Remus went on. Through the wall, and into another world. He came out of the wall at Platform 9 ¾ and looked around. There were people that looked like his father, wearing their robes. They were laughing and clapping their respective child on the back. Teenagers were huddled in clumps, excitedly talking with their friends. Adults smoked cigarettes and old fashioned pipes while the teenagers looked on longingly, and young children looked longingly at their older sibling.

"Can't I just come for a day?" asked a boy with pristine, black hair and shockingly good posture. His mother, a mean looking woman, slapped him on his shoulder.

"Regulus I won't have another word out of your mouth about this whole business, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Mother."

Remus, surprised by the stern display and by just about everything in front of him, was sure that his eyes were as wide as saucers. He didn't even notice when his father, looking more excited than Remus had ever seen him, and his mother, looking frazzled and awestruck, came up behind him.

Having moved frequently, Remus knew what it was like to be somewhere completely different. He had lived in the countryside before Remus' father got a job offer in Liverpool. After quite a bit of looking, they had managed to find a house with a basement available for transformations in their small price range, and suddenly, Remus was living in an industrial city instead of rolling hills. He had even lived in Wales, his mother's native land, and fit in rather well seeing as Mrs. Lupin had made sure he be fluent in Welsh as soon as he was fluent in English. So Remus was used to adapting.

But what he saw before him was a whole other world. Where magic wasn't something that had to be hidden, Quidditch was a popular topic (especially with _this_ game), robes and pointed hats weren't out of the ordinary, and Hogwarts was a glorious place talked about with utmost reverence.

Remus looked around the whole new world that he was now a part of, and, for a moment, forgot that he was different. For a second, the agonizing transformation every month didn't matter. The scars were replaced by pristine skin, for a second, he belonged. The smell of pumpkin juice, ale, and cinnamon wrapped around him. The merry voices of proud families filled the crowded platform. Remus looked in his father's dark eyes, and saw a glimmer of hope that had been buried beneath despair for so long. Despair over his child's pain, his child's future. But now, there was hope. The only hope that had been in his family's life for years now had been Hope Lupin, but now, there was the feeling. That magical feeling that fills your heart with warmth.

And Remus belonged. And there was hope. And there was joy.

 **a/n: thanks for reading, and an extra thank you to FloreanFortescue47 for your kind review! to answer your question, yes i will be writing more, and hopefully going through their whole time at hogwarts! thank you again for your kind words. -cay**


	3. Chapter 2, James

**disclaimer: of course i don't own harry potter, but if anyone would like to pay me for writing this i'm not opposed. everything in bold is taken straight from _harry potter and the deathly hallows_ , chapter 33: the prince's tale. i made some edits to fit into the story, but that whole section is mainly rowling's words. thanks!**

Chapter 2: James

The train smelled like sweets. And also B.O. coming from pre-teens clueless enough to not realize they were drowning in puberty and from students of all ages who just didn't give a damn. But mostly sweets.

"Hey, James," called out a familiar voice. James looked around to see one of his best friends from Godric's Hollow in a compartment, "come over here you thick-headed wanker!" James smiled and hurried over to his friends. Mikey Corner, Bruce Clark, and J.J. Turpin were three of James' best friends from the Hollow. Three boys he went on all sorts of adventures with. Mikey had been the last one to get his Hogwarts letter because of where his birthday fell, and Bruce, James, and J.J. had all refused to open their letters until Mikey got his (much to their parents' dismay.)

James sat down in the compartment with his friends and put his feet up on Bruce's lap. "Fellas, can you believe it," he said blissfully, "Hogwarts."

"We made it," said Bruce.

"Cheers to that," said Mikey, raising his bottle of pumpkin juice.

"Oi, Michael, spot me a bottle of whatever's in that," said James, pointing at the pumpkin juice.

"Oh shut it, Potter," said J.J., "we all know your mum and dad give you, what, a _million_ galleons as allowance and ol' Mikey gets a knut, like."

"The trolley lady should be coming by in just a bit," said Bruce, "Mikey managed to swipe a bottle of juice off her cart-she ought to be right upset. It'll be glorious!" They rambled on and on about Merlin knows what as boys their age tend to do for a bit, and just when J.J. was threatening to leave the compartment over their "bloody _stupid_ " opinions on the recent match, there was a knock at the compartment door. James turned his head to seea strangely posh looking boy standing there. His wavy black hair fell into intimidating gray eyes-a Black. James could tell from the chiseled face, the gray eyes, and the posture. But there was something different about this one than he had ever seen. A glint in the usually stone cold eyes that was usually extinct in Purebloods like them.

James got up and opened the door. "Hullo, I'm James," he said cheerily, "this is Mikey, Bruce, and J.J. and you're-"

"Sirius," said the boy, seemingly caught off guard by the immediate acceptance.

"Got a last name?" asked Bruce. Sirius looked down. James thought he looked… ashamed?

"Never heard of a Black who didn't start off a sentence by saying they were one," said James.

"How did you know?" asked Sirius. "That I'm a Black I mean."

"Oh thank Merlin you are," said James with a lopsided smile, "would be right embarrassing if you weren't, y'know."

"I was just wondering if-"

"If you could sit here?" finished J.J., "Sure thing, Black. Come on in." Sirius' face lit up like a lantern or lights on a Christmas tree or a lamp when it's… lamp time. Sirius sat down and set his bags next to him, at the end by the door next to James and Bruce.

"I'll stand," said Bruce, "it's a bit cramped anyways."

"Oh no, really I-"

"He likes standing," said Mikey.

"It's true," agreed Bruce, "it helps your digestion."  
"What the hell?"

"Welcome aboard, Sirius Black."

* * *

Turns out, Sirius Black was brilliant. A true legend. Never had James ever met anyone as good at celebrity impressions.

"Ooh-er, looks like me pooch's takin' a shite on me lap," said Sirius in a high pitched voice, "but that's life! Just like when me marriage went as bad as a brown apple but I didn't learn me lessons and kept on keepin' on!"

"Bloody hell," said J.J. breathlessly, wiping tears from his eyes. "I've never, in all my eleven years seen an impression of Lupa Bagsley so _flipping_ accurate!"

"Go on, Black," pleaded James, "give us some more!"

"I work for a price, y'know," said Sirius, "I need cash for some chocolate frogs! I'm not just a prostitute for comedy!"

"Does Mummy Black know her darling boy talks about prostitutes in his off hours?" asked Mikey, laughing.

"Nope," said Sirius, beaming, "I honestly don't think she knows what they are. Lord only knows I was dropped down from a stork, because she and my father have certainly never even kissed in front of me or my brother."

"Speaking of banging,"

"You're truly disgusting, J.J."

"Oi, shut it Potter. Like I was saying, speaking of banging, take a look at the bird in the hall." A girl with long auburn hair was walking down the corridor. She looked to have been crying.

"For heaven's sakes, J," said Bruce, "we're bloody eleven!"

"And that's over a decade," retorted J.J., "live a little, Clarky! She's a pretty girl and I've got blue eyes."  
"So?" challenged James, who could honestly care less about girls.

" _So_ ," said J.J. like it was obvious, "birds go positively _batty_ for a fellow with blue peepers."

"And gray," said Sirius smugly, "trust me, lads."

"You know Sirius Black," said J.J. with a smirk, "I think you're a pretty brilliant lad. Brilliant enough to possibly join our four man group of partners-in-crime."

"Hey Jimmy, if you want that bird you might as well make your move right about now, she's looking for a compartment."

"Thanks Michael, you're a saint," said J.J. "and don't call me Jimmy." He slid the door open.

"Hey, Red," said J.J.

The red haired girl turned around. "What is it?"

"Need a place to sit?"  
She looked around, and seeing no other empty or welcoming compartments, nodded and walked over to the lads' compartment.

J.J. stopped her. "I'm J.J. Turpin. And you are…?"

"Lily. Lily Evans."

* * *

Lily Evans wasn't nearly as great of a guest as Sirius was. She just turned her back to the boys in the corner and looked out the window at the London they were steadily leaving. James reckoned she was just a bit homesick. It was emotional sort of day for parents and students, especially of first years. James' parents had full blown sobbed when James had waved out the compartment window at them as the train pulled away.

But Lily wasn't being interesting, just sulking, so the boys pretended like she wasn't even there. Which was easy enough until another boy burst into the compartment unauthorized. He had probably the greasiest hair that James had ever laid eyes on and had sallow skin that made him look closer to eight thousand years old than eleven.

The boy, without taking into account James, Sirius, J.J., Mikey, and Bruce, sat down opposite of Lily where Bruce had been sitting.

" **I don't want to talk to you," she said in a constricted voice.**

" **Why not?"  
** " **Tuney h-hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore."**

James and his friends exchanged glances.

Sirius leaned in. "What the hell is going on?" he whispered. Apparently the boy heard him and sent him a look, then turned his attention back to Lily.

" **So what?"**

 **She threw him a look of deep dislike.**

" **So she's my sister!"**

" **She's only a-"** He stopped suddenly. James could only imagine what he was about to say, but he could only guess the girl-Lily's sister "Tuney"-must've been a Muggle or Squib or something and couldn't go to Hogwarts. Evans wasn't a wizarding name. After all, James was a pureblood, which meant his family practically knew everyone in the wizarding parts of the U.K. She certainly wasn't one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, but she could have in theory just been a half-blood, though James found that unlikely.

" **But we're going!" he said, unable to suppress the amount of exhilaration in his voice. "This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!"**

 **She nodded, mopping her eyes, but in spite of herself she half smiled.**

" **You'd better be in Slytherin," said Snape, encouraged that she had brightened a little.**

 _Slytherin?_ thought James, _who in their right mind would want to be in_ Slytherin _?_

" **Slytherin?"**

" **Who wants to be in Slytherin?"** said James, looking around at his friends, " **I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"** He asked Sirius.

" **My whole family have been in Slytherin," he said.**

" **Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed alright!"**

 **Sirius grinned.**

" **Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading if you've got the choice?"**

 **James lifted an invisible sword.**

"' **Gryffindor, where dwell the brave of heart!' Like my dad."**

The boy **made a small, disparaging noise. James** peered at him **.**

" **Got a problem with that?"**

" **No," said** the boy **, though his slight sneer said otherwise. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"**

" **Where're you going, seeing as you're neither?" interjected Sirius.**

 **James** , J.J., Mikey, and Bruce **roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.**

" **Come on Severus, let's find another compartment."**

" **Oooooo…"**

 **James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip** "Severus" **as he passed.**

" **See ya Snivellus!" called** Sirius **as the compartment door slammed.**

* * *

"Snivellus," said James nodding, "that's good."

"Truly impressive," said J.J.

"Oi," said Bruce, "the trolley lady's coming!" He smiled. "Now, who's got cash, because I think we need about forty chocolate frogs each to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" asked Mikey.  
"Michael Edward you daft twat," said Bruce rolling his eyes, "celebrate Sirius of course!"

So there they were. Five boys chanting "one of us, one of us" over pumpkin juice and chocolate frogs. But of course, dear reader, we know that James and Sirius will break apart from James' childhood best friends. James would stay close with J.J. Turpin, Mikey Corner, and Bruce Clark, mostly hanging out with them during holidays. These boys that were so important to James are forgotten, lost in the passage of time because they weren't Sirius Black or Remus Lupin or Peter Pettigrew. But James loved them nonetheless. Though it's true, they weren't Sirius or Remus or Peter, but that doesn't matter. Brothers are brothers, no matter how we remember, or decline to remember, them. Because the world isn't interested in boys who grow to be men, fall in love, and die happy at old ages. The world is interested in tragedy. Drawn to it like moths to a flame.

 **a/n: as you can see, i'm going to be going slightly off of canon for some parts of the story, such as james' friends from his hometown. i just thought it was more realistic that he would have known people going in. throughout the story, i'll have some "canon divergence" (more like pottermore divergence) but nothing too major. i've just got some ideas. :) thanks for reading! -cay**


	4. Chapter 3, Peter

**disclaimer: i didn't write _harry potter_ & am certainly not making any money off of this. **

**disclaimer (part ii): while they're my favorite artists, i am, sadly, not a member of the beatles either.**

Chapter 3: Peter

Peter Pettigrew lived on the sidelines. If the rest of the world was out on the playing field, Peter was like that one member of the team that worked the hardest for everyone on the team but was never repaid for any of it. He had to just smile while his teammates were cheered on, while Peter was being pushed further and further back. Or, in this setting, he had to smile as his mother and father hugged Greta, hugged her like she was going off to South Africa and never coming home. Greta didn't even _like_ being hugged! Peter _loved_ being hugged, but couldn't think of one time when the person giving it to him was hugging him like his parents hugging Greta.

When his mother hugged him it was like smiling in the mirror just to say "I smiled today". She was hugging her son just to tell Marlene and Josie and Diane "I gave my darling son a big hug on his way on the train, oh we did cry hearty tears, we did!" Picturing this scene inevitably on Diane's front porch filled Peter with a sickly feeling, and, after getting a nod from his dad, hurried to the train, looking down like he had done something stupid.

He made his way to the very back of the train, looking for an empty compartment, to no such luck. Every one had someone in it, usually with friends and usually older. So Peter turned to the only one that made sense. There was a boy in it, just one, who _had_ to be a first year. He was slight and pale, with fluffy curly hair hanging over his face. And he was reading a book no less. He was perfect.

"Hullo," said Peter, opening the door, "mind if I sit here?" The boy shook his head "no" without looking up. "Alright then," said Peter uncomfortably, and he loaded his trunk up into the overhead section. He noticed that the boy's trunk was on the floor next to him, ratty and beat-up looking. The boy looked at Peter, daring him to say something. That's when Peter noticed the scar. It was horrible, ripping through his face like a lighting bolt, from one end to the next. It crossed from his forehead, over the bridge of his nose, to his jawline, and Peter's heart skipped a beat. Peter could only imagine how shocked he looked right then, and was seriously considering the idea of moving into the compartment of fifth years next door-that seemed better than a boy with a 1,000 year old trunk and far too many scars.

"I was in an accident," said the boy quietly, "that's where the scar's from." Peter nodded, trying desperately hard to appear unfazed.

He cleared his throat. "I'm Peter," he said, "Peter Pettigrew."

"Remus Lupin."

"Alright," said Peter, nodding. At least they were making conversation. He reached into his rucksack and grabbed a magazine, _Frock n' Foul, Your Weekly Guide to Wizarding Music_ from it.

"You like rock n' roll?" asked Remus.

Peter nodded. "It ought to be one of the best things ever made."

"What kind of rock do you like?"

"I like pop rock, myself," said Peter happily, "though I'm not opposed to the folky stuff, boring as it is." No one ever asked what type of rock he liked - everyone assumed there was just one. How did this odd boy know there were different kinds? He didn't exactly seem like the rock type.

"Me too," he said, "I don't know too many wizarding rock groups though, because I was surrounded all my life with the muggle stuff."

"Damn," said Peter, "must've been awful."

"Not really," said Remus, shrugging, "there's some fantastic muggle groups out there."

"I don't believe you," said Peter, smiling.

"Fine then," said Remus, smiling back, "let me prove myself."

He dug into his overstuffed trunk and came out with a record. It's sleeve reminded Peter very much of the recent album by the Hey Finders, a very popular wizarding band at the time. It was rather odd, odder than he would have expected off a muggle band. There were four blokes on the front, all dressed in bright colors. There was a crowd of people behind them that looked like cardboard cutouts. In the front spelled in spectacularly colored flowers said THE BEATLES.

"What the hell," said Peter, dumbstruck, "you're telling me muggles would be batty enough to make something like this?"

Remus nodded proudly. "Yes, sir." He tapped his wand to the record and let it glide out of his hand, spinning. "Though, my father insists that he knew a wizard named Ringo Starr. Convinced it's the same bloke. He just doesn't understand muggles and their infatuation with stage names."

"Merlin!" said Peter, "how the hell do you know how to do that?"

"I've got quite an astounding amount of freetime," said Remus, watching carefully as the record drifted to the center of the compartment. All of the sudden, music started coming out. Floating out like ocean mist. It was quiet starting out, faded. Then, as the sound grew, Peter felt a familiar feeling. The feeling of hearing a new song that was going to be something good. It was like being shown a new machine, and you can see already how great it's going to be, now it's whirring to a start.

As the music filled the small compartment, Peter all of the sudden was filled with a smashing realization that only beautiful music bring. And instead of asking why he was being a loser and crying on the first day of school, Remus just walked across to Peter's side and sat next to him.

"Good, right," said Remus quietly.

Peter quickly wiped away the tears. "Right. It's really good. Really really good. Brilliant, y'know. I…"

"I've got all their other records in my trunk," said Remus, "but this is their best one. Critically, I suppose. I personally like Help! best, but I'm not a critic." He looked at Peter, and Peter noticed his eyes were far too blue to be normal. But were any of them really normal? They were wizards after all. "What I'm getting at is, you've got to listen to it as a whole. It's a concept, you see. All of it connects. I started you off in the middle because this song, it's called 'She's Leaving Home' I think is sort of relevant to today. Sorry- I'll stop talking now."

"No, that's okay," said Peter, laughing, "I'm happy rock was brought up, because I was sort of worried you wouldn't talk at all!" He stopped laughing, nervous all of the sudden. What if his new, dare he say _friend_ , was offended?

But Remus just chuckled. "I give off that impression," he said, "I lived in a… small town. There weren't many people there, and I suppose I'm a shy-ish sort, but I open up, I promise. Then you can't get me to shut up. Case in point, right now."

"How do you know so much… stuff," said Peter, curiously, "like, how do you know what the critics like of the Beagles and what you like?"

"It's the _Beatles_ ," laughed Remus, "it's on the bloody cover of the thing!" His smile then faltered and he looked towards the floor. "And, because of that… accident I mentioned earlier, sometimes there's… complications. And because of those complications, I get a lot of time where I think. I do a lot of thinking. My Mum says too much."

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Oh it's okay," said Remus, trying to cover the fact that he did not think it was okay. "I'm alright for the most part."

"Do your parents like you?" asked Peter, looking down. "Sorry- that's a stupid question. I was just-"

"No one in the entire world has ever asked a stupid question. Stupid question is an oxymoron."

"I've asked some bloody stupid questions in my day. Also, I don't know what an oxymoron is."

"Ha-ha. And, I don't know, I think they like me. Actually, I know so. They tell me a lot. I bet I make them sa- annoyed sometimes though, because I'm a... bloody eleven year old. We're all annoying."

"Right." Peter looked at Remus and quickly tried to change the topic to something less pathetic. "I can't believe we're going to Hogwarts. For real."

"I can't believe I actually talked to someone," said Remus smiling wildly. Then all of the sudden, his face darkened. "Oh my God," his eyes widened, "I can't believe I talked that much. I'm sorry, I-I wasn't thinking. I, oh my God."

"Remus what are you talking abo-"

"I… I'm sorry. I'm just not used to… nothing. I'm…nevermind." Remus ran his scarred, freckled fingers through his hair. "Sorry Peter, I'll be right back." And, just like that, Remus ran out of the compartment. Leaving Peter all alone. All alone with things swimming around him. Questions that were apparently not stupid, because as the mysterious boy told him, "No one in the entire world has ever asked a stupid question." And out of all the things this boy would say to him throughout his life, this would stick. All his life, Peter had thought that everything he said people thought sounded idiotic, like he was slow, when he was only making a joke. But now this boy that barely knew him was saying that Peter wasn't slow. That his questions were valid. So Peter thought of questions to ask the world because he wanted to know more, like his new friend, Remus.

 **a/n: thanks for reading! & yes, sirius' p.o.v. will be next, and it's a chapter i'm particularly proud of! stay tuned :) -cay**


	5. Chapter 4, Sirius

**a/n: i'm quite proud of how this chapter turned out after all the trouble i had writing it up. i hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it!**

 **disclaimer: j.k. rowling wrote _harry potter_ , not me. it's a touchy subject.**

Chapter 4

Sirius is the name of a star system. When you stand on the top of the world and look at earth's night sky the star that stands out brightest is Sirius.

Sirius was the name of a boy that would be the brightest in his family, like the star in the middle of all the other stars. All the stars that conformed, stayed far away from what was different and were dark in comparison to "The Dog Star".

His entire family had been in Slytherin. They kept their lights dim and moody, their velvet curtains drawn. They believed in old fashioned things, dusty things, beliefs that every _sensible_ person pushed under a couch or into the closet but the Blacks put on display. Their art wasn't exciting, it was macabre and brooding. As a child, growing up in 12 Grimmauld Place, where cobwebs were used as decoration, Sirius was always on edge. He didn't know what was behind the wardrobe, that strange thing that rattled. He didn't dare open the third drawer in father's desk, because whatever was in there growled. He didn't open the books in the back shelf of the library because there were drawings in there that made his skin crawl. Literally. Those spells were mad.

But as Sirius got older, he became curious. Curiosity was not welcome in 12 Grimmauld Place. He started asking about other Hogwarts houses. He started asking about music, art, and books. While his parents shuddered, while they snapped at him, Sirius was testing how far he could go before he crossed the line.

"What if I don't want to be in Slytherin?"

It was four weeks and three days before the first day of school.

"What if I don't want to be in Slytherin?"

He didn't have a chance to defend himself.

"What if I don't want to be in Slytherin?"

The cellar got darker every hour.

And Sirius didn't ask about anything anymore.

* * *

As the train pulled closer up to Hogwarts, the conversation brought itself to the forefront of Sirius' mind. The time in the cellar, surrounded by strange thuds, rustling in the dark. The whispers of spirits in the old townhouse curled around Sirius, too scared to cry.

He looked at his new friends-but no, they couldn't be friends. Who would want to be friends with a Black?

"Hey," he said, standing up, "I gotta go to the loo quickly. I'll be right back."

"You feeling alright, Sirius?" asked Bruce, "You don't look too hot."

"Nonsense," said Sirius quickly, "I'm fine."

Before they could ask anymore questions, he dashed out of the compartment and walked as quick as he could down the train without drawing any attention to himself. He looked over quickly and saw a boy with curly straw hair and big, green eyes reading a thick magazine about music who looked rather queasy himself. Or maybe just sad. If Sirius were a better person who also wasn't about to vomit, he might've asked if the kid was alright.

He ran up to the men's bathroom door and grabbed the knob, only for it to be locked. _Probably two guys snogging,_ Sirius thought, pissed as all get out, _don't they get that some of us need to occupy_ _this place for_ important _things?_

He pounded on the door. "Hey, open up!" Then he had a realization. The wand. His new wand. He was a man now! With a wand!

But what was the spell? The spell for unlocking doors? Sirius had to remember, he was sure he had read it _somewhere_.

Then he had an epiphany. _Alohomora_! That's what it was! Sirius felt the bile rise up in his stomach as anxiety came crashing in more and more violently, like waves. He didn't care if someone else was in the room. He didn't care because suddenly his vision was getting blurry as the voices from the cellar started swirling around his head again.

" _Alohomora_ ," he said quietly. The door swung open and Sirius bolted inside and slammed the door shut behind him, the idea of someone else occupying the bathroom was absent from Sirius' mind now. So when he saw the small boy in the corner of the room, he could only guess how high he jumped. His eyes were shut and he whiter than the porcelain sink. Sirius had never seen someone so pale before, and never anyone skinnier either. If he had seen him from the corner of his eye, he was sure he would think there was a skeleton in the corner of the bathroom. But there were scars. Scars that Sirius couldn't even describe. He remembered the time his mother threatened to hit him with her ringed hand. The obsidian ring with the sharp edges. He wondered what kind of ring caused that scar.

Remember, dear reader, when I implied that Sirius wasn't too great a person? Well, I'm going to be honest, he wasn't. Sirius wasn't a nice person, but he had a kind heart if he ever dared let it out. And the shadows started fading away as he sat down next to the shaking boy and he quieted the voices inside his head.

"Hey," he said, "you alright?"  
The boy opened his eyes. They were so blue it was jolting.

"I-"

"I'm sorry to barge in on you- I was sort of planning on doing this same thing."

The boy shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said, "I can't leave."

"What do you mean?"

The boy squeezed his eyes shut like he was willing himself away from the situation. "I don't… my… I have a… just…"

"Don't worry," said Sirius, "I get it." He smirked. "Mind if I have anxiety in here with you?"

The boy laughed, shakily. "Of course. And I won't say anything, you know."

"Thanks."

"I wouldn't want to ruin your image." And the boy grinned ever so slightly, and Sirius mirrored it.

A few moments passed where it was silent but for the rumbling of the tracks under the train wheels.

"Hey," said Sirius, "I'm just wondering, how long've you been in here?"

"A while. I'm not quite s-sure how long. I'm sorry, I can't really track time when… nevermind. Tell me where we are on the trip and maybe I'll know."

"We're maybe thirty minutes away from Hogwarts."

The boy's eyes widened. "No, you're joking."

"I'm not, how long has it been?"  
"I've b-been in here for… for… the entire trip…" And before Sirius could see what was happening the boy shot up, only for his knees to buckle. His scarred hand gripped the basin of the sink so hard that veins lit up his skin.

Sirius grabbed the boy's shoulder and met his eyes. "You really meant that when you said you couldn't leave."

"It acts up when I'm stressed. It has to do with… nevermind. It… forget it. There was an accident. I was in an accident. Young was accident. Er-no. I was young. When the accident happened. That… I… I have to get back to Peter. Peter's been all alone for this whole time. I blew it, I… poor Peter! Oh my God-"

"Mate, breathe-"

"I can't believe it! Merlin, how'd that happen! I was meant to be in here for ten minutes at the most! I can't believe I just did that-"

"Calm down it's alri-"

"I'm a bad… person. I'm a person. A bad one. I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm bad I'm-"

"HEY!"

The boy shut up.

"What's your name?" asked Sirius.

"R-Remus. Remus L-L-Lupin."

"Well Remus, I've known you for an extraordinarily short time in a strange situation but I can tell you're not a bad person! Bad people don't get upset about being bad! I'm sure whoever this Peter is he's fine! He should understand, just tell him you had anxi-"

"I can't tell him that. He'll ask me what. I can't say what. I-"

"If you can't say what it is, just use the easy out. You're stressed about the first day of school. Easy. No questions asked, unless this Peter fellow is a jerk."

"No, he's not an arsehole or anything, he should understand."  
"Well get your bearings and go talk to Peter. If he's good, then he has to understand."

Remus nodded, but as he shakily made to leave, Sirius stopped him.

"Sirius, Sirius Black. I get the sense you don't want to tell people about yourself. I'm fine with that, but I'm going to tell you something about me because I need to say it out loud.

"I'm Sirius Black, I hate my parents because they're awful. They say things that people shouldn't say if they're nice and actually decent human beings. Everyone in my family has been in Slytherin and everyone's turned out to be a git. I'm going to be a Gryffindor. I'm going to be brave and people are going to like me and I'm going to be _happy_ doing it, for Merlin's sake. You just watch me do it, Remus. Just watch me."

And that was how Sirius met Remus. That was the day Remus considered the idea that maybe he wasn't a monster. Because of Sirius Black. That was the day Sirius realized that it felt good to be nice, because, believe it or not, Sirius Black wasn't raised to be nice. He was raised with the belief that being nice was being weak. You didn't succeed by being nice.

But maybe you could. Maybe there was hope that Sirius could break apart from his mother with her rings, and his father with his horrifically angry words. Because Walburga wouldn't have comforted Remus Lupin. Orion wouldn't have comforted Remus Lupin.

But Sirius did. Because Sirius was good. Sirius was the brightest star in earth's night sky, and this Sirius would be the brightest in his family.

 **a/n: thanks for reading! review if you feel so inclined, i really appreciate them. -cay**


	6. Chapter 5, Remus

**a/n: thanks to anyone who's favorited/followed/reviewed, i really appreciate it ! :)**

 **disclaimer: anything you recognize from the _harry potter_ franchise is NOT MINE**

Chapter 5

 **Remus**

The Blacks were part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Fully pureblood, fully insane. Probably inbred. From what Remus knew about the current bunch of Blacks (mostly knowledge plucked from newspapers), Sirius was the son of Orion Black, a prominent face in wizarding politics. They lived somewhere in London, presumably affluent and presumably dark and brooding, and the tabloids said the Blacks thought the idea of Muggle-hunting wasn't so bad. Though you should never trust the tabloids, Remus had come to know this as basic fact for some more controversial members of the Black family.

The Lupins were a sort of jumble of some Muggle and some wizard, but were mostly known for their intelligence and… oddness. Wilee Lupin told prophecies on a mountain in Greece back in 1876, and jumped off the side of a cliff because she was sure she saw a bright orange flower. Panleus Lupin wrote a magazine in the early 1900s that talked about conspiracies in the government and was exiled to Madagascar. But here's the kicker- it was his own idea. He decided to move to Madagascar but say he was being exiled.

But Sirius wasn't anything like Remus would've expected. He certainly looked the part, with his chiseled face, fair complexion, and dark features, but Remus would never have expected him to act the way he did.

Remus had decided a long time ago that panic attacks are embarrassing. You can't form coherent thoughts, your breathing is erratic, and you can't stop crying. He would never want anyone besides his mother or father to see him have one, much less a new classmate.

But when Remus left the loo to go and fervently apologize to Peter, he was feeling better than he could have ever imagined feeling after a panic attack. It was rare he ever felt safe around anybody, and this person he _just_ met was now making him feel alright.

The train finally came to a halt, and Remus and Peter grabbed their things. Since Remus had come back from the bathroom, there had been a strange sort of tension in the compartment, where no one seemed to know what to say. Remus looked curiously for Sirius Black, as he and Peter walked silently down the corridor and out of the train. Their small voices would have been drowned out anyways if they even attempted casual conversation; as it turns out, teenagers are loud. And intimidating. And tall-very tall.

But no sixth year was nearly as tall as the giant of a man that they suddenly were faced with. He seemed to come out of nowhere in the black of the September evening. Peter audibly gasped, but he wasn't alone. One girl was so shocked she stumbled backwards, right into Remus.

She spun around to face him. "Oh I am so sorry!" she exclaimed. Remus noticed her clock the scars, but she didn't seem to have anything to say about them. Remus couldn't help but notice she was quite a pretty girl, with long, red hair and bright green eyes.

"That-that's all right," said Remus, trying to not look like too much of a fool. As the girl turned back around, Peter smirked at Remus. "Oh, sod off," murmured Remus, trying to hide his smile.

The giant man introduced himself as Rubeus Hagrid, the groundskeeper. He instructed them to get onto the little rafts set out in front of them in the lake. Peter let out a small squeak of fear as Hagrid mentioned the "Giant Squid", but Remus thought that was much preferred than Peter being afraid of being in a boat with Remus.

There were four to a boat, and Peter and Remus shared one with the red-haired girl and a very moody boy who must have been her friend.

"I'm Lily, Lily Evans," she said cheerfully, "and this is Severus." Severus gave a small wave. Remus and Peter introduced themselves. During the beginning of the boat ride, Remus disguised his awkwardness by acting like he wasn't avoiding conversation, and was just admiring the starry night sky. Which, in his defense, was very beautiful.

Lily, however, wasn't one to sit in quiet. "Were you lot brought up in magic?" she asked. "I wasn't, both of my parents are Muggles! But Sev was! He knows so much about spells and wands and potions and- oh it's all just so exciting!"

Remus and Peter looked at each other, then Peter cleared his throat. "Both of my parents went to Hogwarts, and all my siblings did too. My sister Greta's the only one left, she's a fifth year."

"And you, Remus?"

"My Mum's a Muggle, but my Dad's a wizard. I was mostly brought up around Muggle things, though."

"Then you must like a lot of Muggle things!" said Lily excitedly. "What's your favorite book? Have you got any favorite films? What about a favorite song?"

"Lily…" said Severus bitterly.

"Oh come off it, Sev, I'm just making conversation. Besides, there's going to be positively no one to talk about the Muggle world with at Hogwarts! The Who's new record came out just last month, and nobody here would even know what The Who is!"

"You know, I've never been too much of a Who fan, but I thought this record was quite good."

" _Quite good_ , blimey, it was fantastic! What's your favorite tr-"

"Lily, please," said Severus through gritted teeth. _What's his problem?_ Remus wondered. He was actually excited to talk about the record, seeing as he had no one to talk to about it back home. His mother liked jazz, his father liked Quidditch. The Who was neither.

"Alright then, what houses do you all want to be in?" asked Lily. Severus seemed far more pleased with this topic, as his shoulders seemed to relax ever so slightly.

"Both of us are going to be in Slytherin," said Severus proudly. He looked rather silly when he was proud. He had the look of someone who's supposed to be frowning all the time, not proud.

"I dunno, Sev," said Lily, "those boys in the compartment made Slytherin out to be the worst house!"

Severus' chest deflated. "Well, it's not," he said. "It's the best house and they're just idiots! I would've expected more from a Black." _Black_.

"As in Sirius Black?" asked Remus.

Severus squinted at him. " _You_ know Sirius Black?"

Remus shrugged. "Sort of."

Peter, clearly uncomfortable, blurted out, "I've had a brother or sister in every house, so I don't think it matters all that much, since they're all great. My brothers and sisters, I mean."

"What about you Remus?" said Lily.

"Oh I dunno," said Remus, trying desperately hard not to let them know how long he had been thinking about it, "my Dad was in Ravenclaw, so I'll probably end up there."

"Oh, well Ravenclaw's the second best house! Isn't that what you told me, Sev?"

"You've ranked the houses?" asked Peter, quirking an eyebrow, "which one's the worst?"

Severus opened his mouth to reply, when Lily gasped quite loudly and dramatically, cutting him off. "I've never seen anything like it," she said breathlessly, "and I've been to Buckingham Palace!"

"What's Buckingham-"

"Not now, Peter," whispered Remus.

Hogwarts Castle had always appeared quite magical in the photographs Remus had seen of it, but none of them captured the true marvel of the picture in front of him. The night sky wrapped around the castle like a blanket, and you could see the warm, golden light shining through what looked to be hundreds of windows. Lampposts lined the docks at the edge of the grounds, and Hagrid showed the dozens of first years how to get out.

Remus felt like he was wading through a dream. Everything was so surreal. They walked up the stone staircase to the grand doors of the castle, following Hagrid's lead. Lily was prattling on about something, and Remus politely nodded where he ought to, but he was barely listening; his whole brain was being used up to try and comprehend Hogwarts.

As they stood in the front room of the castle, being instructed on how the sorting was going to work, Remus felt very strange. He wondered if the woman talking (Professor… McGonagall, was it?) knew about his secret. He wondered if every time she looked in his general area she saw the monster he knew he was. He thought about Peter, and Lily, and Severus, and Sirius; did they suspect anything? He felt like the whole world was coming down on him, like there was a great weight on his chest that he couldn't possibly lift off. Then, McGonagall swung the doors open and Remus saw the Great Hall in all its glory, and forgot about everything else.

 **a/n: thanks for reading! review if you feel so inclined. the sorting chapter's next from sirius' p.o.v., i hope you like it!**


	7. Chapter 6, Sirius

**disclaimer: anything you recognize is not mine**

Chapter 6

 **Sirius**

Often times, one is taught to believe one thing for their entire life, and as we get older, we formulate our own opinions. Sirius Black was told as long as he could remember that Slytherin was not only the best house, but the only _acceptable_ house. But Sirius was sneaky and clever, not to mention, mischievous by nature. He found the books that resided in the Black family library with no ripped out pages or burn marks, and he read. He found that maybe, just maybe, he didn't _want_ to be in Slytherin. Maybe Slytherin was for the dogs. And Sirius Black was no dog.

The Great Hall was alight with floating candles, and the ceiling had been transfigured to look like there was no ceiling at all; Sirius gazed up and saw the royal blue night sky, and thousands of small stars that sparkled like his cousin Narcissa's diamond earrings.

Speaking of Narcissa, Sirius saw her smirk at him from the Slytherin table. When he caught her eye, she winked. Sirius hated her more than words could express. She wasn't nearly as bad as Bellatrix, though. Bellatrix, who made Sirius watch as she used unforgivable curses on garden rabbits. Bellatrix, who would shut off the lights in Sirius' room and lock the door, laughing as he begged her to let him out. Bellatrix had been nearly expelled what felt like a hundred times, but she was a Black after all, and they were powerful. And rich.

Seeing Narcissa and Bellatrix grinning so pompously at him from the Slytherin table filled Sirius with a hatred for the house he had never felt before.

"You alright, mate?" asked James, "you don't look too good."

Sirius shook his head, ignoring the nausea in his stomach. "Fine. Just… nervous."

"Don't be nervous," said James. He looked at Bellatrix and Narcissa who were still staring their younger cousin down, and recognized them from the papers. "You're better than th-"

"Black, Sirius," called out McGonagall. Sirius felt like he had just been doused in freezing water, and was certain he was going to vomit. He walked up to the Sorting Hat, placed just so on the wooden stool, and tried to ignore the whispers fluttering around the Great Hall. If you were a Black, you were either hated or feared. Sirius just wanted to be loved.

The Sorting Hat plopped down on his head and Sirius anticipated it to yell out "SLYTHERIN" in an instant, just like it had for all his family.

"You don't want to be in Slytherin, I presume? Son, don't act so afraid, not a soul besides you and me can hear our little conversation."

 _Please, just put me in any other house. Any other house, I'll do anything, I just can't be like them._

"I've sorted all of your family members to date, Mr Black, and not a one I've ever chatted with like this. As soon as I hit their heads, I knew. But no you, Mr Black. Not you. You're a firecracker, I can see it now. Gryffindor worthy. But that mind… exceptional. A real Ravenclaw mind. No, not a Hufflepuff. Definitely not a Hufflepuff. And, you know what, too wild to be a Ravenclaw. You know, I think today's a day to make history."

 _What's that supposed to-_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The entirety of the Great Hall went silent. Even the staff. Sirius saw Bellatrix out of the corner of his eye, she looked horrified. Narcissa had her hands over her mouth, her boyfriend Lucius clutching her shoulder. In fact, the whole Slytherin house was acting like they were all told they were dying. Then he heard a cheer. Shocked, he looked over and saw James, jumping up and down, clapping. He didn't care that everyone was looking at him, he didn't care that the rest of the Hall was deadly silent. And slowly but surely, the Gryffindors started to clap, then whoop, then chant "WE'VE GOT BLA-ACK, WE'VE GOT BLA-ACK!" Sirius felt the smile creep up on his face. He hated the fact that he wanted to cry with mirth, he would do that later. As he walked to the Gryffindor table with wobbly legs, he caught the look of Andromeda, Narcissa and Bellatrix's sister and Sirius' only good cousin. She looked at him with a mix of pride (and was that envy?) from the Slytherin table. She winked at him while Bellatrix fumed and Narcissa sat shocked.

Mikey Corner was sorted into Hufflepuff, Bruce Clark, Ravenclaw, and J.J. was in Slytherin. James was sitting next to Sirius at the Gryffindor table (no surprises there) and tried to hide how disappointed he was that none of his friends were in his house. Sirius could only imagine all of them talking about how great it would be to live in a dorm together, how much fun they would have.

Snivellus got Slytherin, just like he wanted, but that red haired girl (the one with all the blubbering) was in Gryffindor. Snivellus' crushed look gave Sirius a strange sort of satisfaction.

A small, slightly chubby, first year sat across from Sirius and James, and gave a timid smile. He had been on the stool for a while, Sirius could only imagine why. Just by looking at him, though, Sirius thought it must have took the hat everything in it to not put him in Hufflepuff.

"I'm James, and as you probably noticed, this is Sirius Black." James extended a hand to the boy.

"Peter, Peter Pettigrew."

"Lupin, Remus," called McGonagall. Sirius recognized that name from the boy on the train; the one with all those scars.

He was on the stool for some time, and was looking progressively more and more anxious. Sirius didn't know why he felt so drawn to him, but there was unexplainable pull he had to yell at the hat for making Remus nervous. Maybe it was because he related to Remus, and he had never related to anyone before, he couldn't say.

After what felt like ages, the Sorting Hat bellowed "GRYFFINDOR!" and Remus slid off the stool. Peter excitedly beckoned for Remus to sit next to him, Remus looked more than happy to oblige.

As he sat down, he and Sirius locked eyes.

"You two know each other?" asked James, curiously.

"You two know each other?" asked Peter, incredulously.

"We've met," said Sirius quietly. James looked at him and quirked an eyebrow but didn't say anything. The strange silence between the four boys was quickly broken, however, as Headmaster Albus Dumbledore came up to a podium and cleared his throat, signaling for everyone to quiet down. Shockingly enough, they did. Even Bella.

Dumbledore smiled softly out at the crowd of students. "Welcome," he said, "to my dear first years, your new home. A place where you are free to play, to create, to wonder. Within these walls, everyone is odd, everyone is different, but this is what unites you." The old man grinned. "But enough of all that. I'm sure you're all starving." And with that, he waved his arm (though Sirius suspected it was for dramatic effect) and, suddenly, food was piled up on the long dining tables. And good food, too. He and James exchanged gleeful looks, then grabbed everything in arm's reach. Remus looked, frankly, overwhelmed, like he had never seen food before, and Peter pointed it out.

"Mate, you know what chicken is, right? It's not anything extraordinary..." Remus smiled shyly, while James and Sirius outright laughed, catching Peter pleasantly off guard.

As the feast progressed, the Great Hall swelled with laughter and excited conversations about summer holidays, and first years introducing themselves to other first years. Sirius hadn't even given a thought to what his mother and father would say about him being in Gryffindor, except for one thing as the houses were guided by prefects out of the Great Hall.

 _They're going to be so pissed_.

And he was deathly afraid. But nevertheless, he smiled.

 **a/n: thanks for reading! the next chapter is from james' perspective.**


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